I can't take your pushes anymore.

"Where does this go?"

"Um... I don't know."

"Well, there's your mom, why don't you ask?"

"... I'd rather not."

-

"Ask your mom about it."

"Uhm... She's not in a very good mood so I'd rather not."

"Oh."

-

"She's going too fast calling out the numbers! I can't keep up! Do something!"

"No! I can't. I wish I could but I can't."

"Why not? Just do it!"

"Because it's just not worth it. She'll either snap at me for being a selfish, impatient bitch or she'll use it against me later."

"How do you even know that if you won't go ask?"

"Because I've been in similar situations before, and this is how it goes!"

"Just do it! My god."

"No! Don't even bring it up, or I could get in trouble."

"Yeah right. You're overreacting."

-

All. Day. This, all day.

Didn't you hear her snap on me for asking YOUR question about the types of soup?

Didn't you see her throw a knife and two potatoes at the wall after Grandma commented on the knife she was using being too long (it was awkward to handle when you're peeling)?

Don't you see her looking for someone to release her anger on?

Don't you feel that tension?

And if you don't, then can't you just believe me that it's safer to keep quiet, to let her do her thing, than to have to be a pariah in my own house? To be called every name in the book? To be punished by both parents when I have done nothing wrong?

Haven't I told you enough stories? Won't you just finally believe me?

Instead, you insist it's my fault. That this will all get better when I become better, or remove myself entirely. You insist that the stories I tell are exaggerations.

I'm honestly tired of being your friend. Because that isn't what you are to me at all.

I give up.

And thanks, by the way. I asked you not to make a big deal about her calling too fast, and then you flung it in her face the second you had a chance. I told you. I begged you to just let it go. And now she's most likely going to project that opinion onto me, though I didn't say anything, and use it against me in an argument.

I begged you to believe me, so many times. Each time, you pushed it away. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to have to go through this again. But I'm stronger now, and if I want to keep healing, I can't have you around, doing this to me.