and I barely said a word

Felt the explosion coming, got to see it first-hand, and I'd be a liar if I wasn't hoping for it.

Cause I think what's worse than the explosion is knowing it's coming, just not knowing  when. So you're walking on eggshells, starting off softly, and then stomping on them, cause you know it's coming and you should try to wait it out, but it's getting to the point that you can't wait. You can't have this lion stalking you for who knows how long, so you turn around brandishing a knife every few steps.

Don't want to be caught unawares, now.

Which is why I shed few tears today. Cause I was ready. I was kind of worried that it wouldn't come, actually, and I'd be one of those people who overreact and overemphasize the small things.

If I think about it too much, if I think about all the things she said, all the things she's done and threatened to do. Well, I might cry.

So I won't think. I'll shut down cause I have no other way to go.

It's normal to wish that everything that happened was physical instead of mental, apparently. Well. Yep. That's me. Right now, and so many times in the past.

At least then I wouldn't think I was insane, that I actually deserved this.

And here come the tears. So I'm going to end this post here. I wish I could end everything else here too, but life doesn't work like that.