No Excuse.

I basically yelled at my e-learning teacher over e-mail.

I was stressed and angry and upset, and she was being extremely unhelpful and constantly made things either too vague (to the point where everyone did something completely different) or too complex (often after everyone had done the assignment, she'd fix the vagueness and make it so specific everyone had to change their work). I'd had enough. I wanted to quit.

I could make excuses all day. I could post some of my rants. I could tell you about how a girl who I'd been nothing but nice to had snapped at me today for very little reason. How my mom is sliding back into that spot where everything explodes. I could excuse, excuse, excuse myself.

But that doesn't make what I did right.

Immediately after I sent my final e-mail (in a long line of anger-filled replies to her unhelpful answers and ignorance of my pleas), I was determined to quit.

And she flipped.

Not flipped like my parents do when they blow up and get angry and attack me.

But flipped, as in switched. As in suddenly she was interested in what was going on and what homework I had from other classes and how stressed I was. And she got helpful.

A few things were sorted out, etc.

But I wasn't done.

Because I couldn't let this all be resolved without me saying that I was sorry.

So I apologized. I told her I was sorry, that I was stressed and angry but that was no excuse for yelling at her like I had, and that no one deserves to be yelled at. And I apologized again.

I meant every word.

And you know, those are two things that my parents never do. They never say they're sorry- they push it away, or act as if it's all over, nothing more needs to be said, or they buy or do something. But they never actually apologize.

And if you can't apologize, how can you mean a single word, let alone them all?

I didn't want to apologize at first- or a part of me didn't. The prideful part. The part that says "Why not just do what your parents do and brush it off?" But there was another part that knew that what I'd done was wrong, and made me see that I should, and had to, apologize.

I'm glad the better side won out.


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