The Memory-Pictures

Twelve years isn't easy to erase. Everyone knows that. I do. And I know that the memories will stick with me, the good and the bad.

They're like photos, most of them. Nothing moving. No, there are things moving, the little things. The windshield wipers on a car. Our mouths, laughing. The rain falling. Sometimes us. Not always. Rarely us. As if we're stuck there as the world moves along. Stuck in the moment, the memory.

There's us, in my brother's car. Wet day, not sure whether its rain or snow outside. Dark- it's nighttime. We're laughing.

Trying on my new jeans, and my new top. You two come in, ready to go. We all look fabulous. We're going to a party I don't really want to go to but for my new jeans to show. I don't have a fun time. But it's for a friend. So there I am.

New years; minutes after midnight and everything falls apart. I'm the only one you will talk to, so we sit alone in your dark kitchen, lit only by a distant hall light. And everyone else is wondering why I'm so special. Twelve years doesn't mean as much to them as they do to us. So I see myself huddled around you, holding you as you sob out the words you do and don't want to say.

I see the dinners your dad took us on. I see the dinners you were invited to from my family. I see the movies, the DDR/anime nights, the sleepovers.

You crying on my arm because your father yelled at you, for having to come volunteer with me instead of playing Diablo with him.

I see the three of us, dressed as elves, promising to do it all again next year. I see us all around the thanks giving table at your house,loving it because at that time, we were all family, even with a few down and out. I remember deciding it would be a tradition.

All this in memory-pictures. So much more, because the ones listed here cannot possibly stretch to fit twelve years.

And that's okay. And what bits of it aren't okay, they'll come around soon.

Medicate, Medicate, Medicate.

I woke up today (for the 100th time, not kidding) hurting everywhere- arms, shoulders, lower back, upper back, and my head the most.  Headache doesn't do it justice. Forehead, sides, all the way down to my chin, between my eyes, then my mouth (probably from the braces tightening on Wednesday, then the clamping of my teeth through the night). Too hot, too cold.

Didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time last night. Frustrating? Yep. To the point of tears.

Still went to work, though. Called in last minute (well, as last minute as it gets at Weil's) for today. Today is Sunday, Weil's isn't open Sundays. 640 mini cupcakes, 80 each color (of 8 specific colors) for Theatre Aquarius. Pretty, but annoying.

After, when I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up, I had to lay my head down on one of the tables. Jo asked me if I was alright, so I gave her the quick version- "I have been feeling horrible all weekend."

Her response- "You should have called in!"

They underestimate my need for money since I decided to part board Brody. Since ever, really...

And I picked up new meds. De-stress meds.But on further research of the main ingredient- Relora- apparently some people experience hair loss/thinning. So if you read a blog post saying I am losing my hair, you know why.

And soon, I'll have more meds than a pharmacy. Yay.

By the time I go to bed I'll be medicated on Advil Cold&Sinus, Ibeprofen (no-name brand, basically Advil), Melatonin and De-stress meds. I think I'll cut out the second dose of Ibeprofen since that stuff can do some serious damage (despite what my mom believes)

Oh, here's a riddle for you...

How bad does it have to be for my mom to take me to the doctors willingly?

I don't know, since I'm getting worse and worse and still she refuses to take me to the doctor, and even goes as far as to yell and get angry when I suggest.

The Factors That Make Me Like People

I saw my Great Aunt Alberta today, for maybe the 3rd time in my life. Last time I saw her would be when I was 7. 11 years ago. Roughly.

Today we were leaving my grandma's apartment and ran into her and her granddaughter (they came to visit my grandma this weekend), so we showed them how to get in. All in all it took about 1-2 minutes.

I decided I like my Great Aunt Alberta based soley on the fact that she wears fairy earrings.

It runs in the family, people. Proof right there.

Post Below Pictures

For some reason, ever since I posted the two pictures of my darling (coughcough)) kitties, I've been wanting to post more. God. It's like I'm an obsessed mother, but of cats.

 

I realize I have many pictures of Blossom, less of Rita. Mainly because Blossom happened to be in my room at the time I actually had a camera. Rita is less... stay-put.

I always kind of try to be someone with the camera, the one who takes pictures to make memories. The cool pictures, the memorable ones. But I'm not. I am not a picture-taking person. I like to see things for myself, and not look through a lens. Though I wish I would take pictures so I could relive the moment, I just am not that interested. Oh well. My dad takes enough pictures of everything to make up for the whole family. And my brother isn't too shabby of a shot himself.

Is it really only Wednesday?

Yes. It is really only Wednesday.

I start my Co-op tomorrow. Bus schedules are messed UP. Can't take the normal, sane person's route. Gotta take the one that I have to walk for 6 minutes, hop on the bus for 5, and then walk another 13 minutes. Why? Because the second bus I'd have to get on for the SANE route is two minutes ahead of the first one I'd have to take.

Just my luck.

Oh well. I'll work it out. At least I'll be able to get a ride home most days... I hope. Co-oping for anywhere between 4.5h and 6h a day though. But I get Mondays and Thursdays off for Riding, so it's not too bad.

Family will have to either adjust to late suppers or start making their own again. Or I'll have to make a series of reheatable dinners for them every weekend.

-Insert cursing here-

Night. Tired, sore throat, been up since 4, it's now 9:13. I feel kind of pathetic, but then I remember I've been up since 4 a lot lately. And up till midnight. Still. 9 PM seems so early to me, the one who used to be such a night owl.

Before insomnia ruined the whole experience.

Co-op Interview - Before

This amuses me.

I have a co-op interview in an hour and 7 minutes. I haven't been nervous until now, and even now I am not all that nervous (though I realize I am totally unprepared). Instead, I keep feeling like I need to eat, though I've eaten a lot already.

Nervousness => food.

I'm Ammie, and I just ate half a bag of Cheetos, a huge portion of McCain chocolate cake (mmmm...) and a package of bagel bites.

T'was good, though.

Now I have to find dress pants. I own 3 pairs (from Sweet Paradise days). Each of them fail in at least one way (too short, too long, pockets that are too prominent...) and hope that dryer sheets can erase the smell of horse.

Oh, and I have riding lessons again today since Terri is away Thursday. Which means my thighs will hurt tomorrow because there is no doubt that Terri will make us do no stirrup work (which I worked on for a good half hour yesterday). And I get to see my very good friend, guess who? Sara.

Now to check if my shirt has been de-horsed, since it's the only really "I want this co-op but I realize that it's not at a law firm so being too dressed up would not go in my favor" shirt that doesn't have holes in it from a certain kitty cat...

...who looks very innocent in this picture....

 

 ...But her sister might have something to do with it too... 

To Overthrow A King

Have you ever been a secondary character? Have you ever realized it as it was happening?

I don't know about you, but when I think of my life, I see it as me always being the main character, and I guess that translates into other situations as well. I might not think I'm the center of the world, really, but when something explosive happens I guess I always kind of thought myself as one of the main characters. That I was directly involved.

But now? Now things are exploding, and I'm no MC. I might have not even been much of a part of this novel unfolding if not for a few coincidences, and my tendency to figure out that things are happening before anyone even has the smallest of suspicions.

No, I'm not an MC. I'm a secondary character on the "good" side of things- one of the lesser-but-not-too-less sidekicks to the real Main Character. I'm helping push things towards a happy resolved ending where the MC wins, but I have some ulterior motives of my own.

Oh, things are going to explode, and people are going to get hurt. It all comes round to one last thought in my mind- I don't believe I've ever seen a book told completely from the view of a secondary character (though, I guess Feeling Sorry for Celia by Jaclyn Moriarty could be considered...)

Funny how my mind works, huh?

The Battle of The Keyboard and The Iced Tea

My god. Never spill iced tea onto a keyboard. Keyboards can take a lot of things- cola, ginger ale, water, maple syrup, being sat on by cats, being kicked off the desk by sleeping people- But they cannot, it seems, handle the great power that is iced tea. Iced tea is just too much greatness for a keyboard to handle.

Yes, I lost my wonderful (wired, grr) keyboard yesterday to The Mighty Iced Tea (can you tell I love Iced Tea?). It fritzed out, at first typing by itself, then not responding to keys, then double keying, and then settled down to not allowing me to use the right shift key (my best friend). And in the middle of the Olympics Closing Ceremony, which is to say, in the middle of me and my friend Abir's fervent "OMG MOUNTIES! THIS IS SO COOL!"s, it decided to slowly cut out my control to certain keys.

Namely d, s, e, w, and 3. Then it went totally insane and grew a fondness of the letter d and the number 6 and would often cut into anything I was trying to type (by this time I was using an on-screen keyboard with a mouse that liked to double click or not click at all) with a succession of them.

Obviously, I got a new keyboard, and with it, a new mouse. Wireless. Both of them. *happy dance*

It's quite loud, the keys on both of them. I hope it dulls down with use...