Of Free Spirit

Way back when, and for a long time since, I'd thought that there were two types of people. Same and different.

To be "same," you would be like those who tormented me- pretty, popular, girly/macho.

And they say there's no more cliches. Try going to my school district.

To be "different," you would shun anything girly, you'd be on the receiving end of a lot of crappy stuff, and you maybe weren't tomboy, but you weren't at all like they were. No dresses or skirts allowed.

Well, there were shades of grey. The people who were in the middle, never bothered.

As a writer now, I wince to think of these separations in my too-young-to-be-blamed head.

It took a long while for me to realize I didn't have to be wholly different. That I could like wearing dresses (as long as they weren't two grotesque) and not spontaneously combust (why is it telling me that's spelled wrong?). That it's okay to be less-than-wholly free-spirited (and after all, I do like schedules a little, and being on time, and I'm not about to run out and jump on the next train out of here, no matter where it goes, until I've got the money and education to support myself, that is).

Even now I have a bit of a problem, thinking I'm doing something wrong. It doesn't help that I've got a pretty free-spirited (all-the-freakin'-way) friend that recently got back from one of her free-spirited romps of the world. She has adventures I wish I could have, but I'm just not that comfortable (it's past the line I've set on how uncomfortable something can be and still get me to do it).

But it's okay. It has to be. I'm not about to hitch hike somewhere in random stranger's cars cause, well, I don't want to be raped and gutted and thrown out into some ditch on a back country road.

My friend though, she's seemingly okay with risking all that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, though I will admit I am a bit free-spirited (or perhaps a better word would be "defiant") I'm nowhere near my friend's level. And that's okay. Honestly. No intertwined fingers.

And I'm pretty proper too. There's a lot of things I just find repulsive and not fit to do with company around. Even if "company" is just me.


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