Of Tentative Healing

Today was good for me, even I can see that as much as I want to feel strong in the loneliest of times.

I went riding with two girls from the barn, and was joined temporarily by the girl who sometimes joins me on Mondays after she's done  mucking stalls. They're all friends. I'm the outsider. But for a bit there, I didn't feel like one.

Not to say I never felt like a complete outsider, because at times I did.

We're nowhere near inviting each other for sleepovers or karaoke or to the cottage for the weekend. I wish we were, but we're not.

Maybe one day. I don't know. Possibly not.

I don't know if I can give a piece of my heart out that easily, as much as I want to. I know hardly anything about these people, and I don't know if they'll be here come September, or if they'll be gone.

There's too many "I don't knows" for me to try throwing a rope of my heart out.

I've said it before- I can't afford to lose anyone else right now. And that means not reaching too far out to anyone.


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