The Crowd I Cannot Join

I watch people pass me. They chat to me excitedly- a letter in their mail, paper or electronic, has caused this for them. I am truly happy for them, the few friends I now hold dear, but at the same time, I feel a searing pain in my chest.

Because no matter how much I praise them, it won't do anything for me. For once, making other people happy isn't making me happy. Maybe because they're already happy, and my congratulations is just something extra for them.

And the fact that I won't be going with them. All I can do is sit here and watch them go. I won't be taking a step in their direction for months now.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This isn't what I planned.

But then again, this semester hasn't been what I planned.


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