When Wishes Come True... Belatedly

Have you ever wished for something so much for so long, and then get it once you have grown comfortable not having it?

I have, plenty of times before. This time, it's not so... depthy. It's simply a room.

I've lived in this house since I was around 3. That's... wow, on so little sleep, it's hard to think about my mental connection between 8s, 3s and 5s. Anyways, that's around 15 years. That's more years in the same house than many of the people I know.

So 15 years I've been in this tiny room (except for a stint in the basement- too creepy, and a stint in my parents room- they wanted it back after a month or something like that). I've always envied my brother's spacious room, which is about double the size of mine. But because I was younger, I got this one, and he hasn't relinquished his room for good reason.

And since he's 22 and still living here, I came to terms about a year and a half ago that I was never getting his room until it was too late (I seriously thought I'd be out of the house before he would). Now since he has a girlfriend, he's been MIA for most of the days of the week. And I got the offer to move into his room.

Excitement? Not so much.

As I said, I came to terms with my small room a long while ago, though I still kept pining for his, thinking I'd never get it. I drew on my walls- blue vines, fish, masks, plants. My friends and I painted (very badly) Chinese symbols all around it. Quotes cover my wall in the form of sticky notes, some of them hiding more than just walls- some angry scribblings back when my dad and I were on less than good terms.

Then there's all my stuff. My books, wall hangings, shelves, knick nacks,  masks.It's true that these things would be better fit into my brother's room, but I don't know. I like the small room now, though sometimes I do wish it was a couple of feet larger. It's a closed space that comforts me from the vast and harsh world. And I've fallen with my chair into my dresser and piles of junk so many times- I don't think I could do that in a spacious room.

But I guess I could always make it that way, you know? Section it off. And I've all summer with nothing to do. And all year.

And then there was the idea that I liked the idea of having a bigger room for friends and sleepovers. But that's not happening any time soon.

But either I'm living there for 3 years, or 1. Depending if I go to Vancouver or Toronto come September. But I guess if I go to Vancouver, the room will still be there when I come back for T.O studies.

I don't know. I'll have to think about it.


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