Of The Best Memory

I think I've said this before, but I think the moments I miss most of my past all happened last year when I ran away.

I ran to Josh's house, sobbing and probably scared the hell out of his mom and brother. We called around and texted and instant-messaged a bunch of people to see where I could stay. I was in a shirt too small and jeans I'd worn for something like three days straight. I thought I couldn't go to Sara's because it was too late at night and no lights were on.

We got a hold of Michelle and I stayed at her house that night, watching infomercials on repeat until we fell asleep side-by-side on her bed, and waking up not knowing where I was or what had happened.

And then I was told, sharply, by Sara that I should have come over and sought help there, because she'd never turn me away, no matter how late it was.

She proved me wrong. For the first time in a long time, and the last time in a long while.

They both did. They acted like the sisters we claimed to be.

And though it ended in something that makes me shudder even today, and even though after all that we just fell apart almost immediately following... Even though...

It all makes me feel happy, and later torn when I realize it's over. This will never happen again.

Strange how the worst times in your life can host the best memories.

And I wonder if anyone I know, anyone who remembers this, is reading this right now. One of those thoughts that I commonly wonder and worry about.

And I wonder if anyone is nodding along, or feels the tears at the edge of their eyes at the memory. Or if they're shaking their head and closing the window at this folly.

It doesn't mean I want this all back. I'm over wanting the past all back, because if this was the best time of the past several years, then there's something seriously wrong with this burnt picture, and I know what it is.

Still. I'd like to smile a little hesitantly and wave slightly at whoever is reading this. Now. Tomorrow. Late. Early.

It's 2:21 in the morning, Monday August 2nd. This, my dears, is what I think of when all defenses are down.


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