Of Fears and Failure

So I've been thinking about fears a lot lately. Like, what is my biggest fear? And it's usually brought on by something irrational, I guess.

Example A- Yesterday I was reading this plot and pacing guide thing on WriteOnCon. Totally scared me and got me to thinking I'll never be a writer and I'll never get published and I'll die alone in a hole without anyone ever reading my writing and thinking "Oh my god, she GETS it." (or something like that)

And mainly because one of my stories right now doesn't have a main plot. Two of them. And the past ones failed (though they had plots...some of them).  Small plots, sub plots, sure. Not really a big defined, exciting plot.

Well I have a plot now. I feel better. But I guess that's always been a fear of mine since I started seriously writing (uhm... grade 8-ish. Maybe 9).

Exhibit B (whoa, I just switched there, didn't I?)- A week and a half ago I had a freak out because I thought I was never going to become a great pastry chef. I don't have a singular passion for it- I want to do everything. And you see all those famous chefs, and it seems like they live for food and only food. But I want to be so much else. I want to become a riding instructor. I want to go to school for Egyptology, and anything else ancient history-esque. I want to become a famous writer (could you tell?). I want to travel.

And so after crying about it and talking to a couple of my friends, about an hour later I was thinking up the whole Chocolate cupcake with raspberry-chocolate filling and lemon buttercream icing. Yeah. Figure that out and then tell me.

And then there's a bunch of small little freak outs.

So basically (wow, lately my posts have scattered points) I think I'm afraid of failure. Which Julia says everyone is. So I guess it's not abnormal. But a bit ago I had no worries, I had no doubts. And I guess it's the whole friends-going-off-to-university-and-I'm-well..

Not.