To My Friend,

I'm sick of being scared of my words. That's why I'm being so honest with you. This is why, despite that I know I can't trust you longer than a fish can live in the dead sea, I tell you the truth. All of it.

Shocker, isn't it? It is for me. You weren't there so you wouldn't know, but I was silenced for a long time.

Or do you know? Because ever since everything changed, we've found more in common than we had in the past so many months. Maybe you do know, maybe you know how it feels. Maybe it happened to you. Maybe it's this thoughtline that unlocks my words.

Anyone else, I'd have acted shocked that you didn't consider me as a best friend anymore. Anyone else. Maybe. But when you told me, I just nodded. I didn't lie, I didn't deny. I said "I know. Me neither."

And you didn't fight it. Because, I think, we are both sick of shadows. No more being half sick of shadows. We are. We've had too much of them, like having too much sugar over years and years.

The only snag is that we wish the shadows were the light- that the lies and the dreams and the horrible longing of things were all true, real, and here. I think we'd give anything to change it all around, to push the things in the light into the shadows, and drag the shadows into the sunshine, kicking and screaming. Flip the world around. It'd be easier. It'd be happier.

It'd be lovely.

But it's not how this world works, and we both know it. So we hold the pictures of the past to the candle flame and watch it burn with sad smiles.

I want you to know, because one day it will be too late and we'll have moved further and further apart, that I don't regret having met you. I don't regret the fights, the injuries, the words said and taken. I don't regret it.

The only thing I regret is not being what you need, but even that comes with ifs and buts.

So this is good bye, even though we shan't part for months now. Because I know nothing will be the same, and good bye now just seems all the more proper.I'll understand why in the future, I'm sure. And so will you. One day.


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