Why It Doesn't Matter To Me

I think one of the things I like the most about helping others is that I find out something more about myself.

Like just how lazy I am when it comes to changing myself.

If someone says to me that I'm ugly and stupid, usually I laugh. O-kay there. Whatever.

And then if it does happen to bug me (hm... it does happen sometimes, if it's a so-called friend saying it, usually, or if it's me) I might wonder what I can do about it. Sometimes I make a list in my head of all the things I could do to change myself to be pretty and smart.

And if I get to this list stage, I usually end up chucking it (usually the list is in my head, I don't think I've ever written it out, so I chuck it in my head). Why? Because I look at the list and think "Do I really want to do all this?"

No. I don't. I don't want to spend more time than is absolutely necessary in the morning getting myself ready. Honestly, I love my sleep. If it's sleep vs. beauty, sleep will always win.

I don't even want to spend that much effort on dolling myself up at any time of the day. Furthermore, it would probably include something like going out, getting the stuff, spending money that I could spend on books/horses/something actually worth my time, then going through the effort of learning how to do whatever it is, and then doing it for the rest of my life, or even for a few days.

No matter what, it's just too much effort. Way too much effort. And for what? To please someone who either A) doesn't know me, and doesn't really matter, or B) A so-called friend who really shouldn't care if I don't look like a supermodel? or C) A parent (coughmomcough) who is constantly trying to live vicariously through me, and is always criticizing me anyways?


I'm much too lazy to do any such thing, so I disregard it all. I'm also too lazy to dwell on it, so I do something productive with my time. Or not productive, but fun. Like reading, or playing Animal Crossing (my newest addiction) or even just sitting around staring at nothing. Or, even better, Sleeping.

And as for the stupid/smart thing, I know I'm brilliant. I just have to apply myself more. Which I do, just at the last minute. I could and should fix that for my own benefit, but it takes a lot of effort. I'm slowly doing it though.

Like lately, I've STARTED things before the last day. I might not finish them till the last day at midnight, but I start them earlier! :D It makes me feel like I should continue, as I've already started and have something to go on.

Yup. This, all from trying to help my kind-of-friend Michelle feel better about herself.

Ah, gotta love being me.


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