I will make Friends

My life is full of uncertainties. I know I'll make it through them, I have no doubt really. It's just... how? Or maybe it's just the details.

I don't know when my lesson will be changed to. I'll find that out permanently come Thursday, I guess.

But more pressing, because I know that no matter what I'll be happier on a horse no matter the lesson as long as it's not the same as Sare's, is the issue of school.

I know that a lot of people would want to be friends with me. I know that I could find a lot of good friends, if they just knew me.

That's the thing- if they know me. No problem. I can make friends with people who know how I am, but how am I supposed to get people to like me if they don't know how I am? IT all seems so silly. And I guess it's the same with them too...

As well, what if I sit beside the most irrational person on the planet? I'm kind of stuck...

Gosh. But there's no way to get out of it. And honestly? I don't want there to be one. I don't want to enter F&NS and see Laure or Ash or Michelle sitting there. I don't want to see someone I know sitting there so I can chicken out and just try being half-friends with them- because those people seem to be the ones who will always be half-friends.

I want a real friend. 100% friend. Mine. Not Sares. Not Raes. Mine and whoever else, but not any of my current or ex friends.

I want a new life kind of thing, and this is a small piece. It's no moving to WM from where I am. It's not leaving and finding a small town with someone desperate to hire. But it's a start, and that's all I need. I need a place to put my foot forward and then I can go from there, I think.

No. I don't just "Think". I know. And maybe I already took that first step. Now I just have to find the courage to take another step, another step in the right direction, the direction that requires a little bit more courage, a little bit more determination. A step in the direction I know I truly want to go, instead of hanging back and finding an easier path.

Take that step. And if it happens to be small, if it happens to be scary, if it happens to be on a patch of shaky ground, who cares? Because at least I took it. At least I have another step to take from there, and I don't forever have to be on this small, scary, shaky piece of ground.

Not like I was. Not like the ground I just jumped off of.

I will go forward. I will say hi to someone Wednesday in Food and Nutrition Sciences. I will ask questions, I will smile and I will laugh. I will.

I will do all these things. And most of all: I will make a friend.

I will make friends.


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