Trusting

I'd like to say it's hard for me to trust someone. Honestly, if it was hard for me to trust someone, I wouldn't be in half the problems I am in.

But I can't say that. Not truthfully. I trust people all to easily. I'll tell people things even though I know that in a couple of months, we won't be friends and they could very well spread it around.

But is that really trusting them? Or is it just me being... daring? Stupid?

I will tell someone something, knowing that I won't always be friends with them. Knowing that in a few months, we won't be on speaking terms. I will tell them knowing that, in time, they will believe they have every reason to spread everything I've ever told them around. I tell them knowing that they will spread it around, maybe even before we stop speaking- because I know their nature.

I know that Michelle will tell everyone she can find what I've told her in the dark of our sleepovers. I knew Rebecca would, and still does, tell people what I've said, done, thought. It's in their natures.

So what would you call this? Trust?

Maybe the truth is I don't trust anyone, but can't not say anything. It seems that way right now. I used to tell no one anything, and then I started to, and now I can't stop.

I really wish I had a classification. A name for this.