Stuck in Syrup

I'm trying to move on, it's everyone else who's pulling me back.

Rick and Jenni are insistent that I be friends with Sara&Rachel. Since they are now their own singular entity.

I'm trying to not break down. I really am. Someone's got to believe me. They have to also believe me that I'm better off without the rest of "RST."

But it's hard when everyone is reminding you every day of the twelve years lost, and how "Stupid" this seems, and how one cannot just throw away 12 years.

As if this is my fault.

They chose it. I tried to stop it. But now I'm going along with it. It's healthier for me, if everyone would just let me start getting away from Sara&Rachel. Which everyone seems intent on not doing.

God. Now I have a headache, and red puffy eyes from a crying fit I couldn't stop and I didn't even start.

But I'm going to try even harder to bring myself to some kind of "okay" point, like I was when it first happened. This week is the week for that, and I'm not going to say anything about it to anyone. Which means this blog here will probably become my outlet. And because I can't be sure of the secrecy of this blog, I might just make it private for the time being.

I'll decide tomorrow.


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