Okay, in the past hardly anything has come to me while I was just sitting and waiting for it. Sure, some things had worked out that way, but when I think about it, it tends to be the things that don't work out.

Had I just sat and waited for the co-op to come find me, instead of going right up to Weil's and saying "I'm here. I'm willing to work. I want to co-op here. Take me on, instead of the other co-op students you have lined up," I wouldn't have gotten it. But no, I did and I got it.

But when it came to working for Weil's, when it came to having them keep me on, I waited. Waited for a "Safe time," for them to tell me "Hey, we want you." That doesn't work, because they didn't know I wanted them to want me. I wanted to be there. So I waited and waited, then I went for it, and it was later than it should have been, so I had to settle for second place, and second place wasn't what I wanted.

So when I get nervous about the idea of going early and sitting down and hoping, wishing someone who could be my friend will sit down beside me, I have every right. I tried it before. It doesn't work. I wish it did, but it doesn't. Not for me.

The ones who are looking for friends, but are nervous or shy? They won't see that in me. They won't come up to me. No, they'll sit in the corner, or against the wall, hoping. But if all of us do that, no one gets a friend. I have to be the one to step forward. I have to say "Hey, my name is Ammie. What's yours? Is this seat taken? Why'd you take this class?" because if I don't, I don't know if anyone will do the same for me.

So I have to start it. I have to initiate conversation, I have to risk making a fool out of myself.

So yeah. Tomorrow, I'll go into class. I'll stand by the door for a bit, see if anyone's lonely looking, and if I find someone, I'll go and start talking. If I don't, I'll move to plan B- sitting somewhere near the middle and hoping someone sits beside me.


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